Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, ‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’ The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally.
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